Intimacy as Power: A Core Principle of the Victory Within Method™
Abstract
The Victory Within Method™ identifies intimacy as a form of power, not in the sense of dominance or control, but as the profound strength that arises when individuals engage with themselves and with others authentically. This article examines the theoretical and clinical basis for understanding intimacy as power, drawing from psychoanalysis, attachment theory, and relational psychoanalysis, and situating it within the wider practice of counselling and psychotherapy.
Introduction
Within much of psychological training, intimacy is treated as a private experience or an outcome of therapeutic work. The Victory Within Method™ repositions intimacy as central: it is both the process and the product of meaningful human connection.
To be intimate is to be known, to risk openness, and to encounter the self and the other without pretence. This act requires strength, and from that strength emerges power: the power to connect, the power to desire, and the power to live with fulfilment.
Historical Roots
Freud (1905, 1920s) introduced the idea that unconscious drives shape relational and erotic life. Intimacy requires a negotiation with those drives, including the anxieties they provoke.
Klein (1932) demonstrated how early object relations, love, hate, projection, determine the capacity to sustain closeness without fragmentation.
Sullivan (1953) placed human needs for closeness and recognition at the centre of development, showing intimacy to be essential rather than secondary.
Winnicott (1960, 1971) explored the significance of authenticity, holding, and play, all of which are prerequisites for true intimacy.
Later thinkers such as Benjamin (1988) reframed intimacy in terms of mutual recognition, while Bowlby (1969) and Ainsworth (1978) revealed how attachment patterns establish the foundations for power within relationships: the securely attached can risk closeness, while the insecurely attached struggle between longing and defence.
Intimacy as Power
Power in this context is not coercive. It refers to the capacity to:
Know Oneself: Intimacy begins with the ability to face one’s own desires, fears, and vulnerabilities. To avoid this is to live divided. To confront it is to gain strength.
Engage with the Other: Intimacy extends beyond self-awareness into the relational field, where two subjectivities meet. Power here is the ability to hold the tension between self and other without collapse.
Sustain Fulfilment: Intimacy allows the renewal of vitality. Without it, relationships stagnate or fracture. With it, relationships provide a ground for growth and resilience.
Clinical Application
For counsellors and trainees, the principle of intimacy as power demands particular attention. Many clients arrive in therapy not only with trauma or dysfunction but also with a deficit in intimacy, both with themselves and with others.
The work, therefore, is not merely to relieve symptoms but to build capacity for intimacy:
Helping clients articulate what they have avoided.
Supporting them in tolerating closeness without retreating into defences.
Guiding them in recognising patterns of attachment that limit their relational choices.
This is not an optional layer of therapy. It is the ground upon which lasting change occurs.
Intimacy in the Therapeutic Relationship
The therapeutic alliance itself demonstrates intimacy as power. The counsellor offers presence, attention, and recognition, modelling a form of intimacy that many clients have never experienced. From this alliance, clients can begin to internalise a new way of relating, one that strengthens rather than weakens them.
The power of intimacy lies in this possibility: that a safe, structured, and authentic connection can give rise to greater strength in the client’s wider relational world.
Conclusion
The Victory Within Method™ affirms intimacy as power. It is the foundation upon which desire, renewal, and fulfilment rest. For counsellors, understanding intimacy in this way reframes the therapeutic task: not only to heal, but to cultivate strength through closeness, authenticity, and recognition.
To neglect intimacy is to overlook the very heart of human connection. To embrace it is to acknowledge that intimacy itself is the most profound source of psychological and relational power.
References
Freud, S. (1905). Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality. Leipzig: Deuticke.
Klein, M. (1932). The Psycho-Analysis of Children. London: Hogarth.
Sullivan, H. S. (1953). The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry. New York: Norton.
Winnicott, D. W. (1960). The Theory of the Parent-Infant Relationship. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 41, 585–595.
Winnicott, D. W. (1971). Playing and Reality. London: Tavistock.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Volume 1. London: Hogarth.
Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
Benjamin, J. (1988). The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination. New York: Pantheon.
